I believe that this party was proof Britney Gebka is no longer e-popular.

I have this fantasy where everyone from all the houses in Urbana are each crews from The Warriors.

Except for the fact that there are way fewer black people in Urbana than the Brooklyn, it is an apt metaphor for the way we should treat each other. For the most part Urbana is composed of hipsters and hippies, with the latter category being the most entrenched.

But more specifically I think that it’s a metaphor for the way we get along, all the houses have long-standing feuds and a history of allegiances and allies. But that meeting in the park with Cyrus is totally exactly right. We all get along in an atmosphere of grudging respect, and that isn’t even a metaphor that’s hipster law.

So remember to rep your houses and rep them right.

This is actually more of an apology than anything else. For those of you who don’t know a couple months back, at Blue Valentine, Agatha had a little wardrobe malfunction. She popped out of her halter apparently, and I was like the last person to find out. The key thing is that no one noticed for a while, I even looked at Sarah O’s facebook album before this fiasco and it didn’t jump out at me. Anyway someone noticed.

So like the total creep I am, I asked around for the photo to no avail. Bear in mind this is a purely journalistic pursuit, I could care less about titties on the internet. Jade made it a point to go on and get me and trouble for all of this, and for her part she’s totally right, I was in full on troll mode.

So I apologize, Agatha and I want to make it up to you by taking your Tuesday shift. They can write me up as much as they want, I love getting in trouble.

I was considering writing this post in order to try an get some of you playing, but I just don’t care anymore.

If you are interested drop me your gmail in the comments but otherwise this is an explanation of why I haven’t been writing for a while. Since I have no idea where to start with regards to all the backlogs of parties and stories, for the time being I’m going to start with the most memorable party drama in recent weeks.

Pic as always unrelated.

Wed - 3/26

Jade killed Tami Pastan in one of the most eventful kills of the week. She was waiting outside the Music Building, got bored and decided to head over to Espresso. Where she runs into Tami. She told me that she was waiting in line and when she went to pay, the silly string dropped out of her bag, rolling onto the ground into the middle of the cafe. Then Tami gave it up outside.

Jade made her second kill of the day by getting Rex outside of his own house. Jade kept pestering him to come home, he didn’t know she killed Tami so he wasn’t prepared for Jade waiting outside.

Alex Hidalgo killed Paulina when she was hanging out with Jeremy in Champaign. She was also unprepared. This was part of Jade’s alliance with alex, which as of now is void. You hear that Alex? VOID.

Tue - 3/25

Cal racked up an easy kill outside the IMC. Classic “Just don’t get it in my hair” type thing. Now Cal has Laura K, and they’re both convinced they’re untouchable. We’ll see about that soon enough.

Olivia Walder killed Maria outside the Art & Design building. I do not know the circumstances for the most part but she may have hidden behind a dumpster. Either way it seems like another easy kill.

Olivia killed Bryan Judy over at Jade’s. Which brings me to my second piece of advice, namely Don’t Go Over to Jade’s. Don’t ever listen to her or take her advice. She will get you killed. Bryan Judy prettymuch gave it up, and Olivia scored a doublekill for Tuesday.

Shera straightup committed suicide. This wasn’t even an easy kill, Alex Hidalgo got a by.

Mon - 3/24

Rob killed Marty outside his house after following him home. Rob got a freebie for the most part, he’s been stalking Marty for a while. Apparently Rex tipped off Rob that Marty was at work, and Rob chased his target home whereupon Marty basically gave it up. The incident reminds me of Rob’s first attempt way back before everyone knew who their assassin was. Marty and Rex are at work, and neither of them know if Rob is their assassin. Rob goes to the back of the store to chase Rex, while Marty slips out the front and it’s not the first time he’s fucked up. Eventually I’ll get around to writing up all the funny stories about fumbled and ridiculous attempts but not now.

This one was a case of mistaken identity. Rob and Jade are hanging out, and somehow they get word that Yoho is coming home. Rob hides behind the garage, and when Rob makes the attempt, Yoho jumps into the trunk of his car. Afterwards, he gets out of the car looks Rob in the face and says “Oh, I thought you were Marty.” Then Rob unloads the whole can. Yoho failed to connect the dots since he knew beforehand that Marty had gotten killed and that Rob would be after him. Just goes to show that if you hit before the rumor mill manages to inform everyone you have a better chance at multiple kill.

Jade killed Jeremy with a spray can to the back. Those things constantly shed their caps, so her only option was to sneak up and try to get a flat spray like with a thumb to a waterhose. Anyway, Jeremy and a few others were apparently hanging out in Champaign. She was hanging out outside Kevin Donovan’s apartment for like 40 mins. and eventually Jeremy comes out, which is when she puts him down. Goes to show you, don’t hang out anywhere there’s only one exit.

Fri - 3/14

After class on Friday we saw Toomey’s girlfriend Máirín on her way to the campus from his residence at 700 Illinois. We asked her where she was going, grilling her in a friendly tone for information. It totally worked, she told us where and when Toomey had class, and even offered us a ride up to Chicago! We staked out the Transportation building and had lunch after taking him out. Jade is now tied with Lauren Messina for most kills with 2.

Thu 3/13

Jason Norris got hit outside Murphy’s smoking a cigarette. Since everyone knows at this point who has who, I am no longer even pretending to hold back on identities. It was Charlie Lucas that killed him.

The very next night, Jade basically pushes drunk Ben H out the door in order for Rex to give him a faceful of yellow silly string, which is still caked to my front door. Extremely contentious to say the least, Ally Simmons finally settled the matter with her eyewitness testimony. Which is too bad, because I wanted them to settle it the day after with a no-holds-barred Sudden Death whereby Ben could be assassinated at any time, anywhere. Ben’s pissed I think.

Wed - 3/12

Just looking at this picture makes me think killing her must have been an easy proposition.

“Pretty bird up in the sky! What? Oh - Where did all this fun string come from?”

EDIT: I have no idea if Justin is dead or the circumstances. My info is apparently way more than a day behind.

Add Justin’s kill to the list of never-ending insults perpetrated by Jade. Justin had a deep scrape on the heel of his hand when Jade buffaloed him into the stairs outside ground south. What a bitch!

But that should catch me up for now. Be sure to give me the juice.